If you’re wondering about the likelihood of ending up in Amsterdam by accident, let me say that if it was possible to take a wrong turn somewhere in Northern California and end up in the Netherlands, I would’ve done it.
I wasn’t planning to go to Amsterdam. Yet here I am. Because life enjoys veering seven degrees to the left and often the thing you didn’t plan turns out much better than anything you would’ve planned and that’s saying something because you consider yourself a rather impeccable planner, even though it sounds suspiciously like boasting when typed out like this. YES, I’M A TOTAL BRAGGART. IT’S FINE.
Before I left for Costa Rica, I mentioned Amsterdam in a post. Because it was the first city that occurred to me when I needed a random location to end a sentence. Ten minutes later, I got an email from Nicolien saying that she had an apartment in Amsterdam and she was going to Serbia for a month and would I like to come to Holland and watch her cats while she was gone? WHY, YES. YES, I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE IN YOUR AMSTERDAM APARTMENT WITH YOUR CATS.
If you’ve ever wondered if a blog can wield some serious juju, let me assure you that it can. Make a joke about Amsterdam, end up living there for a month. I think we should all try to maximize whatever wordpress magic lives here. Ahem.
I WOULD LIKE AN APARTMENT IN NEW YORK THIS FALL, TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, AND A STUFFED PANDA. I MEAN, A REAL PANDA WOULD BE AWESOME BUT I BET THOSE THINGS EAT A LOT AND FEEDING BAMBOO TO A GIANT BEAR EVERY DAY SOUNDS LIKE A HASSLE.
Now it’s your turn! What would you like the blog genie to bring you? Leave it in the comments. May I suggest using the caps lock key? Everything works better in caps lock.
(I’ll keep you posted on whether or not the universe coughs up any pandas or New York apartments.)
So I’m in Amsterdam for a month, staying in a lovely little apartment with two cats.
Amstercat
My first full day here, Nicolien and her husband took me around the city. We walked past canals and wolfed down a huge pot of cheese fondue and I drank more beer in a day than I’ve had in the past year. It’s a beautiful city, especially in the rare July sun. Every so often, we’d pass a building that pitched forward, as if it was straining to catch up with time. But they never fall, the houses just hover a few feet in front of their neighbors, like they can’t wait to find out what’s next. I know how they feel.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
IF IT’S IN ALL CAPS IT COMES TRUE!
Also when I was in Amsterdam, drinking beer was cheaper than drinking water. True story. Also if you have time/transportation to go to the Heineken factory, do it! I think there’s one in the city, but there’s a bigger real one just outside and it was badass.
This is a plan I can get behind. Amstercats seem highly affectionate. I hope the magic blog genie has the same sense of humor and voice as the genie in Aladdin. So basically, the blog genie better be Robin Williams or else. Also I WANT TO WORK FOR A BREWERY AND LIVE NEAR THE BEACH AND RIDE A BEACH CRUISER EVERY DAY AND HAVE A DOG THAT KNOWS HOW TO SURF. I’ll keep you posted on the effectiveness of the caps.
That is awesome. Amsterdam! So cool.
I WOULD LIKE A FABULOUS NEW JOB AND AN APARTMENT THAT CONTAINS A DOG PLS.
You already made friends with the cat! WTG!!
I WOULD LIKE THE PERFECT COMPANION DOG, A NEW JOB DESCRIPTION, GOOD HEALTH INSURANCE AND FOR SUMMER TO LAST UNTIL NOVEMBER 30TH.
I really don’t think that’s asking too much.
I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START BECAUSE MY BLOG HAS ALREADY WIELDED SUCH AMAZINGNESS AS [2!] HOT AIR BALLOONS, TRIPS TO NAPA (!!!), TAHOE, RENO, MICHIGAN, CHICAGO, AND CANADA. OH YEAH AND AMAZING FOOD AND DRINKS AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
BEHOLD, THE POWER OF THE INTERNET!
But OK! I’ll play because I want more (I’m a greedy bitch like that):
I WANT A MOPED/VESPA, ENOUGH HIRED HELP TO GROW MY BUSINESS AND TAKE ON NEW CLIENTS, AND A YEAR OF MY LIFE SPONSORED WHILE I TRAVEL THE WEST COAST.
Awesome!! Now get to hear about Amsterdam adventures. And how adorable is that Amstercat pic??
So Internet gods, here’s the deal. I’m tired of working way too many hours in support of a giant corporation’s bottom line. I WANT A JOB DOING SOMETHING I ENJOY BUT THAT IS ALSO MEANINGFUL. I WANT MY HUSBAND’S BUSINESS TO FINALLY TAKE OFF AND I WANT TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY SET ASIDE TO TAKE AT LEAST ONE GREAT FAMILY VACATION WITH OUR LITTLE GUY A YEAR.
That doesn’t seem like too much, right?!?
Well that’s exciting!
I WOULD LIKE TEN THOUSAND TAX-FREE DOLLARS AND A WILDLY SUCCESSFUL FREELANCE CAREER.
I WOULD LIKE TO MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO IN NOVEMBER.
I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE TO SPEND THE ENTIRE MONTH OF OCTOBER AFTER I COME BACK FROM A TWO WEEK PARIS/LONDON/AMSTERDAM JAUNT PACKING FRANTICALLY FOR MY MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO.
Oh, and if I could have awesome peeps to hang out with/stay with during the two week shenanigans in Paris/London/Amsterdam, that would be cool too. But I mostly want to move to San Francisco so I get to be in the same time zone as you.
AMEN.
P/S Give the Amstercats a belly rub from me.
OMG…the Amstercat is so stinking cute!!! Please pet him/her for me! SQUEEE!!
So, GODS OF THE INTERWEBS, I WOULD LIKE TO LAND THIS JOB THAT I REALLY WANT AND FOR IT TO BE AN UTTER SUCCESS. I WOULD LIKE IT TO PAY ME MORE THAN I HAVE EVER MADE AND FOR IT TO BE A BLESSING TO MY LIFE. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO SPLURGE ON TAKING MY MOTHER ON A TRIP IN THE NEXT YEAR (ON MY DIME) AND LET THE CURRENT TREND OF POSITIVITY CONTINUE.
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!!!
Amber, I am so jealous–enjoy the HELL out of Amsterdam and tell us about the tall cuties that are supposedly lurking in that fine city!
I would like $30,000 for a downpayment, please.
From a short-term perspective, I’d love it if the power of the universe or the innernets or whatever could TAKE AWAY THIS STUPID RASH on my neck. I’m going to the dermatologist tomorrow so that may be what it takes, but OMG, IT’S DRIVING ME CRAZY. Also, have you ever questioned the wisdom of starting a new medication? I did for about a month, decided to take it anyway – to try to rid myself of miserable migraines – and ended up with a rash on my neck that hasn’t gone away even weeks after stopping the damned medication. The lesson in all this? Don’t take drugs. Even the ones the doctor assures you are fine.
SOOOO… UNIVERSE? WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME? BRING IT, I SAY!!
And long-term-ish, I’d like to spend some time in Vienna. Because it seems like a lovely place. :)
YAY, AN UPDATE!
I WOULD LIKE FOR THE HOUSE DEAL THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO COME THROUGH TODAY–BUT WHICH WAS HELD UP BY THE VA (THANKS, VA)–TO COME THROUGH IN A TIMELY MANNER AND WITHOUT SNAFU. IF YOU COULD MAKE THAT HAPPEN, BLOG GENIE, I’LL INVITE YOU OVER FOR MINT JULEPS ON OUR NEW WRAPAROUND PORCH.
Wow, sometimes the power of the internet amazes me. How fortunate you are to be able to pick up and go to Amsterdam for a month. The blog genie juju is strong with you. :)
I WANT A NEW BOSS, AND MY HUBBY TO GET RE-EMPLOYED.
Let’s all cross our fingers and give a big panda wish that all our dreams come true!
I WOULD SUDDENLY LIKE MY HUSBAND TO GET A RECORD DEAL. Or, you know, a few million dollars. Whichever comes first….
1. You are a fantastic writer.
2. I hope you love Amsterdam.
3. I WOULD LIKE MY STUDENT LOANS TO BE PAID OFF, STAT!
I hope you love Amsterdam too. My favorite thing there? French fries with mayo…no really! Also, on a recent trip there, we were told (by a bartender and he should know) that the best beer in Holland is….Belgian.
Now, for my all caps request to the universe:
I WANT MY BOOK PANDAMORPHOSIS TO BE PUBLISHED BY A MAJOR PUBLISHER; I WANT TO PUBLISH A COLLECTION OF MY CARTOONS, “YOUR BRAIN ON PANDAS”, AND I WOULD LIKE 75% OF THE PAINTINGS IN MY NEXT 3 SHOWS TO SELL.
there. thank you for your support!
I mean, this is the greatest thing ever. Cannot wait to hear about Amsterdam adventures, so awesome.
As for my blog genie requests: A house. A plan. A job that lets me interview celebrities on a regular basis and read books and watch movies and cook things. That would all be magically wonderful.
I’ve been reading your posts for a while and I’ve never said how awesome they are, let me rectify that right now: YOUR POSTS ARE AWESOME AND I LOVE READING YOUR BLOG! :D As for the blogging genie I would like the following:
1. MY BOYFRIEND TO GET HIS ASS OUT OF JAPAN AND COME SEE ME ALREADY.
2. A FAT BUNNY THAT CAN RUN AROUND MY HOUSE ALL DAY LONG AND WILL LOVE ME FOREVER.
3. ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR UNIVERSITY.
I hope you have an awesome time in Amsterdam! :D
I am so jealous. How fabu is that!! And look at the kitty cuddles. Ah!
I WANT TO WRITE MY BOOK!
Well, that is just awesome! I love Amsterdam, such a great city. Enjoy!
I WANT MY DOG TO LIVE FOREVER AND TO FIND A CAREER I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE TO DO FOR THE NEXT MILLION YEARS.
Yay Amsterdam!!
I WOULD LIKE TO KICK THE ASS OF THE GRE, AND THE EIGHT MILE MUD RUN I’M DOING IN AUGUST. I’D ALSO LIKE THE DOGS TO LIVE FOREVER AND THE CATS TO STOP LICKING MY FEET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND DROOLING WHEN THEY PURR.