What Lies In the Beyond

January 14, 2014

In December, I was dating someone I really liked. The night we met, there was a ring around the moon. We gazed up at it, the water behind us, and it felt like that might mean something, something good. And it did. But not the way we thought it might.

Instead of marking the beginning of an us, that ring marked the beginning of a me. A me who can walk away for the right reasons, something I’d never done before. I would swallow what I wanted in order to not be alone. Or give him what he wanted and push aside what was best for me because I thought that’s what love meant. But the more you give yourself you, the less you can give up for another. So on New Year’s Day, I walked away. As I drove home, it didn’t necessarily feel good, but it felt right.

That ring around the moon did mark something special – but for me rather than for us. I want the us, but I won’t take the us without it being right for the me.

Walking away is scary, because you don’t know what lies beyond. So far, what I’ve found in the beyond has been better. But it doesn’t matter, really. Because whatever I get – whether it’s a me or it’s an us – will be exactly what I need.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

doniree January 14, 2014 at 8:18 pm

I actually had a conversation today, about the end of my relationship and the transitions that happen in the in-betweens and afters. I realized that I was feeling sad for what won’t be — the trips we won’t take, the memories we won’t create, the dreams we won’t realize together. There’s a sense of loss there, and with it, a sense of letting go. Beyond that though, and intellectually I know this, even if emotionally it’s not yet sunk in completely, I realize that letting go of this and those memories-not-yet-made is what opens up an immense amount of room for so many more, and so much better, to take their place. And that’s what I’m looking towards now.

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J.C. January 14, 2014 at 9:55 pm

amazing…but more than that aware—very beautifully, powerfully, bravely aware!!!

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Caelan January 14, 2014 at 10:16 pm

The unknown is easier with the real you, than the known is with a fake you.

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jen January 15, 2014 at 7:38 pm

Fucking awesome!! Risking for an adventure and an open heart and then truly listening to your heart! Lean in!

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Tabbypaws January 16, 2014 at 9:14 pm

Love this Amber…so true, and hard to do. *big hug* And by doing this, the universe will bring to you the guy that is worthy of your fabulousness.

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